ANGELICA G WRITES

I’ve been trying to find balance in all that I do lately. Sometimes when I open my social media apps and see what’s being shared, it feels like it’s one extreme or the other. You’re either a massive health nut, on your third year being sober, on your second meditation retreat in Byron Bay and eating clean and walking 10,000 steps daily – or you don’t give a shit and are just doing whatever you feel like in any given moment without a care about the consequences to your health. This huge polarity can sometimes be overwhelming, like you have to choose between one or the other – sort of what the political situation feels like in the world right now. But I don’t believe in extremes, and I don’t believe there’s a right or a wrong way to think or exist. I believe in equilibrium.

I’m on a big self-love and self-acceptance venture right now, and for the first time in a very long time, I can proudly say that I’m feeling the powerful and joyful shifts in my life that come about when ones prioritises oneself. For me that has mainly looked like advocating for my needs, expressing my true feelings to others without worrying about how they might react or feel, slowing down my daily activities, making time for consistent physical activity, and perhaps most profoundly, listening to my body and not letting spiralling thoughts take control of me. Honouring myself in this way has meant I’m starting to be my own biggest fan, which has come especially handy when I fuck up, because I do, and I will, forever continue to gloriously fuck up.

When I act in a way that really doesn’t feel like self-respect or love, is when I feel like I’ve fucked up. But the beauty, I believe, is in the way we move onwards and upwards from the fuck ups. The way we hold ourselves softly and gently, with grace and forgiveness. Because for every fuck up, there’s an equal and positive reaction – if you’re willing to sit in the discomfort of the shame, frustration and regret, and let those feelings move through you. I believe that there’s always some wonderful little lesson to learn, and some kind of wisdom to be gained, no matter how small.

I think so many of us, me included, are so terrified of looking imperfect, of looking like a human, that these extreme ways of being seem like the answer. As if doing all the right and healthy things will guarantee you will get to the end of life and receive a gold star for trying your best. I’m a huge supporter for healthy living, self-respect and discipline. I’m also a huge supporter for the opposite of those things, because to expect that we can always be one way is just unkind to ourselves. I say continue having the best intentions and continue living in alignment with what makes you feel good, both in the short and long term. And occasionally, fuck up as well – so you can be reminded of your exquisite humanness from time to time.

And that, I reckon, is that elusive thing we call balance.

“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming – Wow! what a ride!”